The 2025 guide to writing slop

This changes everything

Every year, the stock phrases your diligent slop writer must employ change. This is the 2025 style guide. If you want to make it this year, your social media posts must contain at least one of the below:

‘I think about this a lot’, accompanied by a screenshot of an astonishingly banal observation. Avoid sharing a profound analysis when using this: you don’t want people to focus on the original post.

‘Hot take: […]’. You can also use ‘Contrarian position:’ or ‘Unpopular opinion:’. Just be sure to not offer an actually controversial argument, because then no-one will like your post. It has to be something that everyone agrees on, while believing they are the only person who does.

‘They don’t want you to know this’. Goes without saying, but you must never attempt to specify who ‘they’ are. ‘This’ must be somewhat obscure, but it shouldn’t be something that’s only valuable as long as it’s secret — if you are in possession of such a secret, for the love of God don’t share it, sell it.

‘This changes everything’. No further guidance needed here, you can use it for absolutely anything.

The last one isn’t a stock phrase, but a generic post suggestion: submit a question on whether [insert obscene amount of $] is enough to live or retire on. Then using a different account, respond that [said obscene amount of $] is ‘mid’ or ‘middle class’ or ‘nowhere near enough’. A variation of this is to claim that a lesser Ivy, or Imperial/LSE/UCL are ‘mid’.